I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
