nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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