Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
