Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
