The maid of honor just puked.
i don't like sucking hair
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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