i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
