capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
