Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We are two peas in an std pod
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
