Swine flu. Run for my life!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
