my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
