I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
