I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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