I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
