In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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