Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
