she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
