Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
