sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Panties = found
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
