Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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