my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
