i think i have two assholes
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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