Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
third nipple confirmed
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The air taste purple.
Randomize
