just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize