what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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