so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
