I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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