I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
