He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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