I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
