It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
