you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
