I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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