What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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