she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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