I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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