just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
