So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
