She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
