wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
