I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
