3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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