My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize