YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
