It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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