I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
