Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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