I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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