Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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