tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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