I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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