i need an iv and a liver transplant
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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