If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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