five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize