Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
