He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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