and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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