I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
