highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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