Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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