He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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