Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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