1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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