Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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