I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize